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Now she speaks rapidly. "Do you know *why* you want to program?"
He shakes his head. He hasn't the faintest idea.
"For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly. "The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program, born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here, a keystroke changed there." She sweeps her arm in a wide arc. "And other times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very *essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can stand alone -- proud, powerful, and perfect. This is the programmer's finest hour!"
Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
"This ... this is your canvas! your clay! Go forth and create a masterwork!"

(unknown)


Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won.
(unknown)


A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.
(unknown)


Never try. It's just the first step to failure.
(Homer Simpson)


There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
(Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior)


Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
(Oscar Wilde)


Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.
(Antoine de Saint-Exupery)


REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system?
SENATOR: Bob, the MX missile system reminds me of an old saying that the country folk in my state like to say. It goes like this: "You can carry a pig for six miles, but if you set it down it might run away." I have no idea why the country folk say this. Maybe there's some kind of chemical pollutant in their drinking water. That is why I pledge to do all that I can to protect the environment of this great nation of ours, and put prayer back in the schools, where it belongs. What we need is jobs, not empty promises. I realize I'm risking my political career be being so outspoken on a sensitive issue such as the MX, but that's just the kind of straight-talking honest person I am, and I can't help it.
(Dave Barry, "On Presidential Politics")


Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last, "I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."
The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"
But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks. Yet, in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.
And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!" And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delight to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.
But they cried the more, "Saviour!" all the while clinging to the rocks, making legends of a Saviour.
(Richard Bach, "Illusions")


The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.
(Andrew S. Tanenbaum)

O'Riordan's Theorem:
Brains x Beauty = Constant.
Purmal's Corollary:
As the limit of (Brains x Beauty) goes to infinity, availability goes to zero.

Most people can't understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do.
(Turgenev)


I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ...
(F. H. Wales, 1936)


Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
(Mark Twain)


The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the combination is locked up in the safe.
(Peter DeVries)


When the Universe was not so out of whack as it is today, and all the stars were lined up in their proper places, you could easily count them from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones were set apart, and the smaller yellowing types pushed off to the corners as bodies of a lower grade ...
(Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad")


There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make is so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
(C. A. R. Hoare)


There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain.
(Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800)


As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.
(Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949)


DOS: n., A small annoying boot virus that causes random spontaneous system crashes, usually just before saving a massive project. Easily cured by UNIX.
See also MS-DOS, IBM-DOS, DR-DOS.
(from David Vicker's .plan)


The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
(Arno Schaefer's .sig)


Intel CPUs are not defective, they just act that way.
(Henry Spencer)


Simulations are like miniskirts, they show a lot and hide the essentials.
(Hubert Kirrman)


"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk ?"
Microsoft spel chekar vor sail, worgs grate !!
(Felix von Leitner)


"...Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly)."
(By Matt Welsh)


In most countries selling harmful things like drugs is punishable.
Then howcome people can sell Microsoft software and go unpunished?
(By hasku@rost.abo.fi, Hasse Skrifvars)
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